“Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.”
Thursday, April 23, 2009
The Little Black Dress Incident
Holy shit!
I am pathetic.
Pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic. Apathetic, too. What's wrong with me?
I look back at the excited first post and think, wow, another failed New Years resolution. You go, girl! Beat them blues!
Ugh.
FML.
Today I got news that tomorrow I'm going out for dinner with friends. Fun stuff. Well, it should be. Until the announcement came like a bomb.
"You need to wear a dress."
With these fat thighs?
I don't think so!
And yet I tried on my various little black dressed. Big mistake. FML predicament. I went to my room, locked the door, and unearthed two little black dresses only to discover that, badoum-chi! They don't fit. Dresses that hugged my hips and kissed my curves, to sound completely cheesy, had a hard time riding over my thighs, and couldn't go over my fat ass. Little black dress after little black dress 'till there was only the stretchy red dress to save me from embarassment.
Ugh. No amount of words could express my disgust at myself for not taking up the One Year diet I was so keen on, for not stopping before putting the donut down and just chomp-chom-a-chompin' away these past years. I went from a pretty skinny girl to a fat girl, an expert who can cover up any love handle or fat roll miscreant with a pair of jeans and some expert layering. Yet these things ride up, unexpectedly, showing more than I would please. I'm sick and tired of this self-deprecation, feelings of worthlessness that stem from being fat and spreading everywhere, ruining my entire life. Everytime I so much as look in the mirror I look away, because I can't stand to look at my face--never mind full length body mirrors. Ugh.
The Little Black Dress Incident has made me realize that things need change. Not in a week, not in a month. Today. TO-DAY. It's an unremarkable day--middle of the week, nothing special, but now it is. Because April 23rd, 2009, marks a change. I am going to lose this excess weight and get my life, my confidence, my body back. There's no erasing stretch marks but it's nothing that can't be covered by material, unlike fat. Taking back my body--my confidence--my life. It's what I want, what I need to do, starting today, the day of the Little Black Dress Incident and, more importantly, Day One of the Change.
I am pathetic.
Pathetic pathetic pathetic pathetic. Apathetic, too. What's wrong with me?
I look back at the excited first post and think, wow, another failed New Years resolution. You go, girl! Beat them blues!
Ugh.
FML.
Today I got news that tomorrow I'm going out for dinner with friends. Fun stuff. Well, it should be. Until the announcement came like a bomb.
"You need to wear a dress."
With these fat thighs?
I don't think so!
And yet I tried on my various little black dressed. Big mistake. FML predicament. I went to my room, locked the door, and unearthed two little black dresses only to discover that, badoum-chi! They don't fit. Dresses that hugged my hips and kissed my curves, to sound completely cheesy, had a hard time riding over my thighs, and couldn't go over my fat ass. Little black dress after little black dress 'till there was only the stretchy red dress to save me from embarassment.
Ugh. No amount of words could express my disgust at myself for not taking up the One Year diet I was so keen on, for not stopping before putting the donut down and just chomp-chom-a-chompin' away these past years. I went from a pretty skinny girl to a fat girl, an expert who can cover up any love handle or fat roll miscreant with a pair of jeans and some expert layering. Yet these things ride up, unexpectedly, showing more than I would please. I'm sick and tired of this self-deprecation, feelings of worthlessness that stem from being fat and spreading everywhere, ruining my entire life. Everytime I so much as look in the mirror I look away, because I can't stand to look at my face--never mind full length body mirrors. Ugh.
The Little Black Dress Incident has made me realize that things need change. Not in a week, not in a month. Today. TO-DAY. It's an unremarkable day--middle of the week, nothing special, but now it is. Because April 23rd, 2009, marks a change. I am going to lose this excess weight and get my life, my confidence, my body back. There's no erasing stretch marks but it's nothing that can't be covered by material, unlike fat. Taking back my body--my confidence--my life. It's what I want, what I need to do, starting today, the day of the Little Black Dress Incident and, more importantly, Day One of the Change.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
A Year of Change: Introduction
After tipping the scales at about 173 lbs a few days ago, I realized change was in order. Something needs to be done... and damn it, it needs to be done now. My self-confidence is shot--nonexistent--and before I tip the scale at 200, because that could sneak up on me faster than I could ever anticipate, and lose whatever shreds of confidence I've been holding on to, I need to do something about it.
I'm sick of grabbing the camera from my friends' hand and deleting the picture faster than she can blink "Because it looks horrible!" when it was really the double chin that had me worried. I crane my neck in pictures so as not to expose it--but it still creeps up on me when I forget not to crane my neck. I look at myself in the looking glass and think, What the fuck? Have I really sunk so low that I would sport a double chin? How many cookies, cakes, candybars, and other miscellaneous sugar-happy items have I crammed into my face for that to happen?
I used to be a skinny kid, the fastest on the playground--the tallest, too. Now I have fat thighs that make me look even stubbier compared to my model-high girl friends, who, by the way, are skinny. Actually, Fiona is in the same predicament as me--but she seems to be naturally, erm, big. The only part of her body that is carrying extra weight is her stomach. Her legs are naturally big--but nonetheless fabulous. Mine? Cellulite city! Not to mention the fact that my thighs touch. Ew.
I have had it with covering my belly with material in hopes to make it look flat--of wearing baggy pants to hide the fat thighs underneath. That's it, and it's enough. I've let this go on damn long enough.
I am self-loathing, self-deprecating, self-(insertsynonymforhatehere) enough for two people... not to mention that the number of empty calories (sugar, sugar, and more sugar) would be enough for two people. I've had just about enough of feeling insecure, unworthy, and most of all, fat.
What better time than New Year's--oh, yes, 2009!--than to make a resolution? I hear those are popular, not that I've ever made one that I stuck to or even bothered to remember a week into the New Year.
So, my resolution this year is going to be defined. Nothing nebulous or vague about it.
My resolution for 2009 is to become healthy by doing two things--eating well and exersizing.
That is what I am going to do for 365 consecututive days--and I hope my health will last throughout my entire life. If I can gain my health back in a year, and damn it if I'm going to fail, I can keep it up longer.
I'm sick of grabbing the camera from my friends' hand and deleting the picture faster than she can blink "Because it looks horrible!" when it was really the double chin that had me worried. I crane my neck in pictures so as not to expose it--but it still creeps up on me when I forget not to crane my neck. I look at myself in the looking glass and think, What the fuck? Have I really sunk so low that I would sport a double chin? How many cookies, cakes, candybars, and other miscellaneous sugar-happy items have I crammed into my face for that to happen?
I used to be a skinny kid, the fastest on the playground--the tallest, too. Now I have fat thighs that make me look even stubbier compared to my model-high girl friends, who, by the way, are skinny. Actually, Fiona is in the same predicament as me--but she seems to be naturally, erm, big. The only part of her body that is carrying extra weight is her stomach. Her legs are naturally big--but nonetheless fabulous. Mine? Cellulite city! Not to mention the fact that my thighs touch. Ew.
I have had it with covering my belly with material in hopes to make it look flat--of wearing baggy pants to hide the fat thighs underneath. That's it, and it's enough. I've let this go on damn long enough.
I am self-loathing, self-deprecating, self-(insertsynonymforhatehere) enough for two people... not to mention that the number of empty calories (sugar, sugar, and more sugar) would be enough for two people. I've had just about enough of feeling insecure, unworthy, and most of all, fat.
What better time than New Year's--oh, yes, 2009!--than to make a resolution? I hear those are popular, not that I've ever made one that I stuck to or even bothered to remember a week into the New Year.
So, my resolution this year is going to be defined. Nothing nebulous or vague about it.
My resolution for 2009 is to become healthy by doing two things--eating well and exersizing.
That is what I am going to do for 365 consecututive days--and I hope my health will last throughout my entire life. If I can gain my health back in a year, and damn it if I'm going to fail, I can keep it up longer.
A Year of Change
Post laterrr
Take a peek in the looking glass and tell me, tell me, what do you see? do you like what you see?
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/calorie-calculator.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/free-workout-plan-6.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/how-many-calories.html#Fat
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/stay-focused.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/runners-quote.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/my-diet.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/really-look-at-yourself.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/plan-ahead.html
Take a peek in the looking glass and tell me, tell me, what do you see? do you like what you see?
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/calorie-calculator.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/free-workout-plan-6.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/how-many-calories.html#Fat
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/stay-focused.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/runners-quote.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/my-diet.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/really-look-at-yourself.html
http://www.build-muscle-and-burn-fat.com/plan-ahead.html
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